18 years later

It's me. Hi. I'm 41 now. And I'm still a virgin.

I'm also pretty damn comfortable with the idea I probably will be one for the rest of my life. It's an interesting thing to consider when so much of life still stretches forward.

Do I have any answers this many years later?

Not really. I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, though I also don't like advertising it because it's not anybody's business what I do (or don't do) in my private life. It's weird for me to think about how that level of visibility has become the norm.

I might have more thoughts on this over time -- hopefully before another decade passes.

Prude?

In "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," one of the characters talks about having sex after knowing/dating this guy for two days. She also says she said "I love you" at this point, too.

Two days seems really fast to me. Downright slutty. Am I being a prude or is this normal? Not only that, but even if it's not normal, is it normal for NYC?

It seems the dating pool/dating scene in NYC is piranha-infested (on both sides of the gender divide). Is this what I have to look forward to? I wouldn't find it surprising to end up dying a virgin if this is what guys "expect" out of their dates, then.

The thing is, this prospect [of dying a virgin] does not really faze me at all.

Gay or Down Low?

Are supposedly straight men who allow gay men to give them blowjobs gay as well? Or is this "acceptable" straight man behavior? Are they bisexual?

And does this change for women? Do women, who have other women go down on them, become bisexual by these sexual choices?

Is sexuality a mindset? Do you know if you're gay, straight, or bi based on how you think? Is it about who you're attracted to? Can you know this without ever experiencing it?

This question has been on my mind forever. How can I know if I'm sexually attracted to women when my rational mind and traditional Asian cultural upbringing tells me not to act on it?

It's a tug-of-war, and I am exhausted.

23

At 23 years old, I feel like the oldest living virgin.

Oh, I'm aware that older ones technically exist, but I'm laying odds that they wear habits on days not Halloween and don't go around coveting $1000 handbags.

At this point in time, virginity is just not something you lose on a whim on the third (or even fourth or fifth) date with that "cute" guy or in a one-night-stand with the guitarist of a band. (Or at least, it doesn't seem like it should be...then again, the opportunity has yet to arise for said guitarist. Hint hint, hot guitarist. Actually, screw that. -- Er, not that, but the idea of a hot guitarist, I mean. At 23, I'm holding out for a hot lead singer. Yeah. Like that Incubus guy. He's pretty hot.)

It's such an awkward predicament.

I find myself asking many questions:
Am I asexual?
Maybe I'm bisexual? I do find females sexually attractive. But that doesn't necessarily mean I would be a virgin still.
Perhaps I'm just an overanalyzer, and these brain waves have formed a seemingly permanent interference with, shall we say, lustful matters?

It's all so confusing. I guess what I'm trying to say is this blog is for me to pour out my (thankfully anonymous) feelings (or lack thereof) on the subject of virginity and my confusion over the subject at hand (and trust me, the subject is definitely at, on, and about hand).

More to come.